Dear Depression- Part Five

Dear Depression,

I haven’t written to you in a while,
I don’t really know why.
I’ve been busy you see,
Settling in to my new life.
I thought about writing to you everyday.
My hand itch
But my fingers just can’t seem to type out the words.
I guess that’s a good thing?
I wish I could tell you,
That you are no longer remembered by me.
But I can’t,
I just can’t.
You have become a part of me,
So intricately stitched on
That I fear that I shall no longer be me without you.
I crave for that security that you gave me,
That switch that always switched on.
I could never feel,
And now?
Now I want to not feel,
I search for the switch that I know is waiting for me,
But the light is off
And I am stumbling around in the dark,
Lost.
These moments of feeling
Where the energy is bouncing off of me
Comes rarely and like an adrenaline rush.
I am left alone,
Crumbling apart in the corner of my apartment.
I wish you could choose,
Whether to keep the switch off or on,
But choose
For these sudden changes are worse than not feeling at all.
 I have so much to tell you,
I want to do so much,
To scream at you,
To fight with you
But I am tired
And more than that,
I just cannot seem to find the words.
I leave this letter like this,
Open ended
And seemingly bizarre.
Until next time,
And hopefully next time,
I will find the words,
The proper words.

Love,
Samragni


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